Resolve.

It's difficult when someone judges you immediately due to something in your past. First impressions are very important but they are worthless when somebody has their own perception of who you already are engraved in their mind. I don't particularly blame people for being defensive, or for caring about others...I mean, it's pretty much our job to care about others. But when one person writes you off as a 'not-so-good' person it is difficult. And why? Well, some people have to be liked by everybody...thankfully I do not. But I do feel like I wish I was the one in control of who does and doesn't like me. Not something in my past, not something in my future, not some extenuating circumstance that really has nothing to do with me. But in the end, we all have to accept that life isn't always completely fair. Nor will it ever be. Instead of being frustrated by this fact, I'd rather just do what I can to make my life what it is. Do what I can to make it better every day. That's all I can do. And hope that everybody allows me a chance to truly introduce myself to the person I am now and the person I aspire to be....not some shadow of the past.

The Return

I have formed a love/hate relationship with writing. Sometimes I need it, sometimes it's the only way I can express myself. And other times I feel the need to verbalize my thoughts, or occasionally retreat farther within myself and 'ponder'. Weird...but that's my long drawn-out excuse for not writing for a month :)

I'm happy that the grass in green and the sky is blue. I don't want to get started on another 'life is wonderful' kick, but how can you not sometimes? Even when things don't go your way....you have the right to be happy.

Things haven't always gone my way. One could argue that in times of repeated failures you might be more prone to have a negative outlook. I would have to agree. The more I allowed myself to associate with negativity, the more it associated with my life.

So here I am on a Sunday morning and I can say that today won't be negative. This week won't be either. Because I won't allow either to be. I need an earnest enthusiasm now more than ever...we all start new chapters in life, and it seems I am starting a new one a year earlier than expected. But that's exactly it. We don't expect life. Can't anticipate it.

We just have to live it. And give it our best shot. And that's what I'm gonna do. Day after day after day. Simple philosophy, big results.

-J

Analyze This.

For someone like myself who likes to write/talk/think a lot, (and sometimes to an unbearable degree, I admit) I sure haven’t spent enough time just ‘going with the flow’. Maybe I just need to spend more time living and less time thinking about those things that we don’t fully understand. Sometimes you just have to be content.



This idea seems contradictory to how I live. I tend to blog about topics and things that are very open-ended. I still believe that we should ponder things from time to time. As someone who is constantly looking for writing inspiration, I still wholeheartedly support that. What I’m referring to is more of the big things in life that we do have some control over, but still can’t seem to control. I spend way too much time thinking about these things, and overanalyzing how a situation might turn out, but it’s not worth it. I’d rather just go out and live and know that no matter WHAT happens there will be a tomorrow. Yes, it is obviously true that we aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow…hence ‘living like there’s no tomorrow’. So there’s a couple different ways to look at it….but I think they agree that we have to live for today. I say live for today instead of live in the moment for a pretty specific reason; I feel like ‘living in the moment’ have a more negative connotation and would lead people to believe that they shouldn’t worry about the consequences of their actions…



Don’t go out and get hammered and make babies!! Unless that’s a hobby of yours…



I just think that it’s worthwhile to try and make every moment count. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, there are plenty of insignificant moments. But a positive attitude can drastically alter the bigger picture. Don’t get weighed down by overanalyzing things, I can tell you from personal experience that it is just a burden. Don’t let the red tape in life slow you down.



A positive attitude does wonders for your daily happiness. It really does.



-J

Gratitude.

I don’t think I’ve taken enough time in the past year to enjoy the beautiful simplicity of life. Even when we have rough patches, it is hard for me to imagine being at a place in life where I’m just not thankful for every last breath of air I inhale. Humanity has such a storied existence, and I am glad to be a part of it. I am fortunate to be here. This all sounds really cliché and at times corny, but it’s true. Think about it…

65 years ago, many young men my age or younger were being drafted into the highest-casualty war of all time. People were dying left and right for glorified ideas of freedom and patriotism. Do we appreciate their sacrifices? Of course we do! That’s not the point though….

Here we are, complaining about things that matter now, but are trivial in the grand scheme of things. Sure, grades, relationships, social standing, and all these things CAN be very important. But sometimes when they become overwhelming, maybe it’s just best to remember how blessed we are to have choices in life. To be able to make what we want of our existence. I love that idea. I can be whoever I want to be…sure, being incredibly successful takes a lot of work and effort. But I have the opportunity to try…something that many around the world would only dream of having. Opportunity doesn’t always translate into success, but the chance of opportunity is even more important. Everyone deserves that chance.

So sure, I’ve had some rough patches…this year especially. But I can’t forget how lucky I am to even be alive. How great it is to take in every last breath of oxygen…

So I’ll live the one life I’ve been given to the absolute best of my ability.

An Artful Purpose.

What causes humanity to be creative? What makes us want to express ourselves and our culture, and what satisfaction is gained from doing so? I’ve always been intrigued by these questions, mostly because I am held captive to these desires even while I don’t fully understand them. I consistently find myself wanting to express myself, to make my mark, to enlighten myself artistically.

And I continue my attempts to do so through writing: blogs, poems, short stories, lyrics, etc. All of this lends to my overwhelming desire to morph my material into genuinely artistic musical expression. I am obsessed with this idea of perfecting my craft. Anybody who knows me on this level knows that I am a person who will search the world of art and music and never settle on one area. I can’t find an area of music that I can truly call ‘home.’ I’m not content to just play a certain type of song; I can probably credit Dylan and the Beatles for that. In the musical world in which we exist today, uncertainty about where you stand usually leads to a less lucrative musical career. This doesn’t bother me. I’m overwhelmed by the depth of music; there is so much out there and I am content to drink it all in. I look for inspiration all over, and I find it in some of the most unexpected places at times…

However, I feel as if the musical tastes and preferences of the mass public have betrayed the purity of music (to an extent). Too many people blabber on in their youth about how ‘mainstream’ music is essentially bullshit, but I feel like a lot of people do this mainly to assert themselves as someone who goes against the status quo. Just because something is popular doesn’t mean it is inherently bad music, but I do believe that the current influx of popular music has had an love affair with technological advances of the day. Artists exist that take advantage of the vast amount of musical technological innovations that allow them to alter every last aspect of a song without needing much talent or skill themselves. While I do believe everybody who wants to make music should have a chance, I also feel like this increases the amount of ‘musicians’ who want to live the dream by putting together some catchy beats and robotic-like vocals. That combined with the decrease in lyrical innovation (okay, we get it, sex is popular) has really started to piss me off. Sometimes I worry that this will lead to younger generations who aren’t as willing to put the time and effort into music…ohh the opportunity they would miss!!

But alas, all one can do is keep doing what they love. I genuinely hope that people continue to see what music means to our lives….. and not just the good party songs. There is a deepness and spirituality to music that the surface cannot even begin to understand, or comprehend. There is a connection to the most basic emotions and feelings of humanity….it connects us all across the globe, and across generations. That is something I can never see myself without. And therein lies my true happiness…

-J

Perception of a Reality

The walls fade into obscurity. Vibrant colors surround everything. The known becomes the unknown.

Suddenly, everything has changed. Everything I've known can't help me anymore. Nothing can. I must face this challenge. I have no choice now. No turning back...

A whole new world. It's overwhelming. I walk outside and look around. A picturesque lawn mower lies desolate and unused in an overgrown backyard. The trees sway as the birds attempt to sleep within the comfort of its canopy. The world is so beautiful. The simplicity of it all. At the same time, you realize the complexities of nature....So simple but so intricate.

Time stands still. Not completely...it creeps along with barely any change. But so much has occurred. It's hard to process...

But most of all I see. I see past what I thought life was limited to. I see the truth. It's frightening yet beautiful. I see my fears. I lose control and watch helplessly as everything begins to slip away into obscurity...But then....all of a sudden. The music plays. Sanity slowly returns....the comfort and warmth it brings is life-changing.

Perception is not always what it seems.

-J

Perception.

The sun is hiding today. There is brightness, but not that elusive star.

It's hidden. Behind clouds of grey.

But I don't mind. Sometimes you have to see the light even when it's nowhere to be seen.

We see what we want to see.

Breathtaking beauty. It's out there.

Just open your eyes...


How I wish I could be a traveling troubadour! Roaming all over the land. Telling tales of faraway places. I would recall spectacular mountains, beautiful seas, scorching deserts, frozen tundras, thunderous waterfalls, wonderful monuments of human civilization....

There is so much to this world. Untapped. Unseen.

Never stop looking.

Just open your eyes...