The truth is...


Sometimes when I write, I really only care if one person reads what I write. That may sound insensitive, but I don't mean it that way. Maybe I'm stuck on a memory...something I can't quite get past yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. Happy for a lot of people wouldn't be an understatement either. But alot of times, I feel as if that one person isn't connecting with me. Isn't understanding what it is I feel is right.She doesn't know how much these thoughts have been on my mind...

But then again...who is worth said affection? Somebody....



Someday.


But for me, it will be very far in the future. Because life has chosen its path for me. I won't complain. But I can't tell you I won't feel what I do...



I've always cared. You know that. It was never enough, but now it is. I just want you to know....your success in life means everything to me. I want you to thrive. But the normal response is hatred and malice....so am I better? According to my lifestyle, maybe not. But according to pure and true reality, maybe I am. But for you...I (was). past tense. And that pains me....not to know it, but to know that's the truth.

Sometimes I miss the past very dearly. But it is not in our plans to dwell on the past, but instead to dwell on the future. You will always have a future...And you can make it worth remembering.

-J

Transition...

What a week!!

Well, okay, it hasn't been that extraordinary. In fact, it's been pretty hectic at times...especially at work. But, with a positive attitude, I seem to have made some serious headway. Lately I've been trying a new simple method of looking at things: I stay positive in almost all situations. Seems easier to say than do, I can already agree with that. And it IS easier to say than do. But when you really buckle down, and decide that no matter what you are going to make the best out of every day, you find immense joy. Not in your day-to-day activities, but within yourself. I have just found myself being more happy since I've released my anxieties and worries and fears. No doubt they will come back to me at some point....but I will fight them off the same way! The whole goal here is for me to be happy with whatever I've been given in life, and with whatever situation I am in. Sure, there are PLENTY of things I could find to be unhappy about. In this year ahead of me I will be faced with obstacles that I can't say I'm overly excited to face. But at the same time, there is no need for fear or anxiety. Or worry. Because everything will play out. Everything will be okay. The minute you stop believing that is the minute you've subjected yourself to negative thinking. So don't do it :)

That's all for now folks.

-J

'The Sound of Silence'

I had this momentary urge to write. To get my thoughts out into the world so to speak. But as I sat down to write, no words came to me. Out of all the emotions and feelings working furiously inside my mind, not a single one felt like it needed to be written down. That's a curious thing. Maybe not everything needs talking about....maybe sometimes you have to be okay with the silence. With the quiet. With the solitude.

That's what there is right now. Calm. It's neither invigorating nor disheartening, but at the same time it is peaceful.

The more I sit here to write the more that comes to mind. The more topics I could dive into, the more feelings I could describe. But none of those things seem to matter right now. And I'm okay with that.

-J

Life is good!

There's a few things I'm missing, but I'm not one to complain about the little things. I've been working on new music, which included writing what I think might be my best song to date. Music always keeps me passionate and motivated. It makes me want to succeed in school, so that I'll have a degree to pursue a bachelor's degree-level job in some far away land....Canada, probably ;)

I'm just happy to be alive. I'm happy to know that there is real love on this planet. Humanity caring for itself. Cooperation. Unity.

I will do my best to be a caring human being with everything I do in life. It is very cool to see how everybody's different motivations lead them to different positive outcomes and perhaps even to making changes in somebody(s) lives.

I'm gonna use mine to help people, that's all I know for certain.

And that certainty is comforting..


''Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved

Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
we can be

Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needed to be loved'

'Love', -John Lennon




-J

Resolve.

It's difficult when someone judges you immediately due to something in your past. First impressions are very important but they are worthless when somebody has their own perception of who you already are engraved in their mind. I don't particularly blame people for being defensive, or for caring about others...I mean, it's pretty much our job to care about others. But when one person writes you off as a 'not-so-good' person it is difficult. And why? Well, some people have to be liked by everybody...thankfully I do not. But I do feel like I wish I was the one in control of who does and doesn't like me. Not something in my past, not something in my future, not some extenuating circumstance that really has nothing to do with me. But in the end, we all have to accept that life isn't always completely fair. Nor will it ever be. Instead of being frustrated by this fact, I'd rather just do what I can to make my life what it is. Do what I can to make it better every day. That's all I can do. And hope that everybody allows me a chance to truly introduce myself to the person I am now and the person I aspire to be....not some shadow of the past.

The Return

I have formed a love/hate relationship with writing. Sometimes I need it, sometimes it's the only way I can express myself. And other times I feel the need to verbalize my thoughts, or occasionally retreat farther within myself and 'ponder'. Weird...but that's my long drawn-out excuse for not writing for a month :)

I'm happy that the grass in green and the sky is blue. I don't want to get started on another 'life is wonderful' kick, but how can you not sometimes? Even when things don't go your way....you have the right to be happy.

Things haven't always gone my way. One could argue that in times of repeated failures you might be more prone to have a negative outlook. I would have to agree. The more I allowed myself to associate with negativity, the more it associated with my life.

So here I am on a Sunday morning and I can say that today won't be negative. This week won't be either. Because I won't allow either to be. I need an earnest enthusiasm now more than ever...we all start new chapters in life, and it seems I am starting a new one a year earlier than expected. But that's exactly it. We don't expect life. Can't anticipate it.

We just have to live it. And give it our best shot. And that's what I'm gonna do. Day after day after day. Simple philosophy, big results.

-J

Analyze This.

For someone like myself who likes to write/talk/think a lot, (and sometimes to an unbearable degree, I admit) I sure haven’t spent enough time just ‘going with the flow’. Maybe I just need to spend more time living and less time thinking about those things that we don’t fully understand. Sometimes you just have to be content.



This idea seems contradictory to how I live. I tend to blog about topics and things that are very open-ended. I still believe that we should ponder things from time to time. As someone who is constantly looking for writing inspiration, I still wholeheartedly support that. What I’m referring to is more of the big things in life that we do have some control over, but still can’t seem to control. I spend way too much time thinking about these things, and overanalyzing how a situation might turn out, but it’s not worth it. I’d rather just go out and live and know that no matter WHAT happens there will be a tomorrow. Yes, it is obviously true that we aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow…hence ‘living like there’s no tomorrow’. So there’s a couple different ways to look at it….but I think they agree that we have to live for today. I say live for today instead of live in the moment for a pretty specific reason; I feel like ‘living in the moment’ have a more negative connotation and would lead people to believe that they shouldn’t worry about the consequences of their actions…



Don’t go out and get hammered and make babies!! Unless that’s a hobby of yours…



I just think that it’s worthwhile to try and make every moment count. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, there are plenty of insignificant moments. But a positive attitude can drastically alter the bigger picture. Don’t get weighed down by overanalyzing things, I can tell you from personal experience that it is just a burden. Don’t let the red tape in life slow you down.



A positive attitude does wonders for your daily happiness. It really does.



-J