Friday, May 20, 2011

The Nature of Fear

This is a passage from Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I would highly recommend this book for anyone with an artistic and open-minded view of life.

"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins with your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.

Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opposum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees to shake as though they were dancing. Your heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear.

Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There, you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you.

The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you."

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A Semi-New Year Filled With Semi-New Thoughts

I was thinking about creating a new blog, but then I figured I haven't been blogging enough to do so. So instead I've revisited this old page filled with old memories, many of which detail my many complaints about a former life. I don't really want to go through the next glorious chapters of life as a complainer, so I'm going to put an end to my mode of insufferable tirades. New beginnings, in a sort of new year!

My return to the blogosphere was prompted by my final semester in college. For once in my life, I had the liberty to study things purely because I was interested in them. I've been immersing myself in courses dealing with social psychology, sociology, and an anthropological view of American culture from an outsider's perspectives! All these have been great, and have gotten my mind buzzing again. I also chose to take a creative writing workshop, which has gotten the writing juices flowing. There's a lot of potential to hone my craft, and I'm excited for the opportunity.

I'd like to think of myself as an intellectual, as someone who pursues knowledge tirelessly outside the realm of academia. I find the world around us invigorating. I want to know all about other cultures, ways of life, and most of all I want to stay open-minded. We live in a world where culture, values, and even right and wrong can be viewed as subjective. And yet we have so many people who are in opposition to one another because of these subjective views. It seems short-sighted to me, but am I guilty of the same stubbornness or dogmatism at times? Sure.

I'm going to resolve myself to continue writing, and to continue being open to new things and new ideas. The mind is a curious thing that will always continue to grow until the day we cease to exist as we know ourselves now.

I've found purpose in the journey.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I must apologize to any potential readers out there. Lately, my blog postings have been sporadic, at best. I think it is because I allow myself to get caught up in the tangle of everyday life. And that can be quite a mess. But that's life for you.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching within the last month. I find it odd that the more I feel as if I've got a grip on life the more I find myself thinking about it. The more I question the belief system(s) I cling onto. Whether that be religion, faith, (I view the last two as COMPLETELY separate), morality, relationships, friendships, etc. Anything and everything. I don't view this questioning as a lack of my personal definition as an individual. I don't think that because I'm always searching I lack some sort of qualities that make someone a firm believer in their life choices. Instead, I think it represents fluidity. A lack of dogmatism. I don't want to grow up to be the type of person who is so set in my ways that I shut myself off completely to new ideas and growth. Although that person may feel as if they have it 'figured out,' I think they have simply found their own comfort levels and do not desire to push any further.

I'm not saying contentment with your own personal set of beliefs is wrong. On the contrary, actually. If you stand for something, continue to do so. But don't be so reliant on what others do or think. I believe that too many people nowadays are closed off to anything but what they have accepted to be true. People are too scared to see that maybe there is more than one answer...maybe what works for someone, will not work for another. Many religions claim they have THE answer, and maybe they do. All I'm trying to say here is: just as readily as they might have the answer...they might not. We accept things on faith as true, so all I'm pointing out is that you cannot say you are factually correct and in the right when you are accepting something off the basis of faith. That's the key word: faith. Some things can't be proven, and although that doesn't mean they aren't true, I would hope that would encourage people to stop beating down other belief systems and ways of life. I am growing weary of the divisive (and frequently violent) nature of humanity. If history tells us anything, this division is nothing new. But when has it ever been necessary? Why can't we simply be content with what we believe in, and not have to fight over it with others?

I think the answer to that is fear. People are driven by fear. People are scared of others who are quite unlike themselves. And this fear drives us to be divided, frightened, and even hateful. But we can overcome it. Even if just one person at a time.

I guess the whole point of this rant is for me to encourage others who agree to be open-minded. Being firm with what you believe and being open-minded do not have to be at odds. Accept others, and they will accept you. If you disagree with everything I say, that's not a problem. Doesn't mean you're right. But just because I have an opinion that I'm writing about doesn't mean I am right either. Don't be so hasty to look to others for your own answers. Life is an individual journey....we have lots of help and interactions along the way, but you truly have to find what you believe for yourself.

I firmly believe that in the end, love will always conquer hate. So show some love. This world needs it.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

The truth is...

Sometimes when I write, I really only care if one person reads what I write. That may sound insensitive, but I don't mean it that way. Maybe I'm stuck on a memory...something I can't quite get past yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. Happy for a lot of people wouldn't be an understatement either. But alot of times, I feel as if that one person isn't connecting with me. Isn't understanding what it is I feel is right.She doesn't know how much these thoughts have been on my mind...

But then again...who is worth said affection? Somebody....


But for me, it will be very far in the future. Because life has chosen its path for me. I won't complain. But I can't tell you I won't feel what I do...

I've always cared. You know that. It was never enough, but now it is. I just want you to know....your success in life means everything to me. I want you to thrive. But the normal response is hatred and am I better? According to my lifestyle, maybe not. But according to pure and true reality, maybe I am. But for you...I (was). past tense. And that pains me....not to know it, but to know that's the truth.

Sometimes I miss the past very dearly. But it is not in our plans to dwell on the past, but instead to dwell on the future. You will always have a future...And you can make it worth remembering.


Friday, July 30, 2010


What a week!!

Well, okay, it hasn't been that extraordinary. In fact, it's been pretty hectic at times...especially at work. But, with a positive attitude, I seem to have made some serious headway. Lately I've been trying a new simple method of looking at things: I stay positive in almost all situations. Seems easier to say than do, I can already agree with that. And it IS easier to say than do. But when you really buckle down, and decide that no matter what you are going to make the best out of every day, you find immense joy. Not in your day-to-day activities, but within yourself. I have just found myself being more happy since I've released my anxieties and worries and fears. No doubt they will come back to me at some point....but I will fight them off the same way! The whole goal here is for me to be happy with whatever I've been given in life, and with whatever situation I am in. Sure, there are PLENTY of things I could find to be unhappy about. In this year ahead of me I will be faced with obstacles that I can't say I'm overly excited to face. But at the same time, there is no need for fear or anxiety. Or worry. Because everything will play out. Everything will be okay. The minute you stop believing that is the minute you've subjected yourself to negative thinking. So don't do it :)

That's all for now folks.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

'The Sound of Silence'

I had this momentary urge to write. To get my thoughts out into the world so to speak. But as I sat down to write, no words came to me. Out of all the emotions and feelings working furiously inside my mind, not a single one felt like it needed to be written down. That's a curious thing. Maybe not everything needs talking about....maybe sometimes you have to be okay with the silence. With the quiet. With the solitude.

That's what there is right now. Calm. It's neither invigorating nor disheartening, but at the same time it is peaceful.

The more I sit here to write the more that comes to mind. The more topics I could dive into, the more feelings I could describe. But none of those things seem to matter right now. And I'm okay with that.


Friday, July 16, 2010

Life is good!

There's a few things I'm missing, but I'm not one to complain about the little things. I've been working on new music, which included writing what I think might be my best song to date. Music always keeps me passionate and motivated. It makes me want to succeed in school, so that I'll have a degree to pursue a bachelor's degree-level job in some far away land....Canada, probably ;)

I'm just happy to be alive. I'm happy to know that there is real love on this planet. Humanity caring for itself. Cooperation. Unity.

I will do my best to be a caring human being with everything I do in life. It is very cool to see how everybody's different motivations lead them to different positive outcomes and perhaps even to making changes in somebody(s) lives.

I'm gonna use mine to help people, that's all I know for certain.

And that certainty is comforting..

''Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved

Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
we can be

Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needed to be loved'

'Love', -John Lennon