Tuesday, May 11, 2010


'Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday.

Love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday....'

I had some interesting dreams this afternoon. I hate wanting something that is gone. Even in our most determined state of mind, we can fall prey to these underlying desires in our subconscious. I'm not ashamed of them though. I expected myself to feel this way...I knew I would.

It's ironic that I can say my greatest strength is optimism while at the same time admit that I am probably currently suffering from some form of depression. But the truth isn't always black and white, as I've been finding out. I need to use my optimism to help other people. I've been given a gift of positive thinking, and to waste it on temporary misery would be a shame. My happiness is greatly affected by how those close to me are feeling. In the past, I've begun to realize that I can use my positive outlook to help create more happiness and joy in the world around me. Incredibly cheesy I know, but how could I ignore something that in turn makes me feel fulfilled?

I need to get back there. I need to work myself out of this slump and once again become the guy I know I was meant to be. And I'll get there....but I have to know that progress requires the blessing of patience. We have to earn it. I'm not ready to move on from certain things...and my heart knows it. But one day, I will come to terms with leaving the past in the past. And I know that day is quickly approaching.

Last summer I was confronted by a whole different set of problems. I never thought that one year from then I would be wrangling with the same issues but in a whole new light. I made it out alive then, and I will do the same now.

But at the end of the day....I still find myself alone. There's nothing wrong with being alone, but you have to find your own comfort within yourself. Sometimes it gets lost in the chaos of everyday life. Well, I want to get it back. And I will. I want to feel the strength that I once had. And I will.

Time heals all...


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