The Return

It appears I dropped out of the blogosphere for a solid month and a half. I've noticed over the last couple of months that writing and getting my thoughts out on virtual paper has been a sort of cleansing process that helps me express the jumble of thoughts and emotions that hang around somewhere north of my heart (sounds emo, possible song name? copyrighted!) But anyways, I've been trying to kickstart some healthy habits once more, including exercising, meditating (work in progress), and I'm gonna start writing frequently again. It is a liberating process. And that's what I'm aiming to do in life these days. I'm in a constant state of trying to rediscover myself while being aware of everything around me. Not a bad approach to life I'm hoping.

Something that I've expressed before in this blog has been on my mind again lately. I feel like in the past month I have allowed some of my personality to come under to attack, and although I usually don't allow people or things to get to me I did this time. If there's one thing I'm very open about, it's that I admit to being a very flawed human being. A simple response to this confession is that all people are flawed, and therefore it's okay in a sense. I believe it's a little more complicated than that. The minute I just give up on my flaws, I'm admitting defeat. Now, some people in the world, particularly many influenced through different religions, have found a system of moral standards to guide their lifestyles. Whereas I have no problem with this and support any system that works for people, it is not an approach that I can be completely satisfied with. When it comes down to it, I feel like life is an individual experience. This may seem contrary to my personal beliefs, because anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm supporter of relying on family and friends to help you through life. What I'm saying here is a little different. I believe that there are so many paths that have been laid out as the 'correct' one by so many different avenues: religion, science, art, politics, mass media, etc. But this is where I can no longer agree. I feel like life is an individual experience in the sense that everyone's path is MEANT to be different, but we as limited creatures try and make sense of this uncertainty by advocating one certain path of life. This is evident through our school systems and churches, but also through the culture that is so immersed in our daily lives. How could one human being, or even a group of human beings, be so bold as to say that THEY have found the right way to go, and they alone? Or how can individuals condemn others for approaching life in a way that seems foreign to them? In my opinion, this dogmatism is in part a product of the limited capacity of human beings. Although some people will tell you that eventually we will know everything, I don't believe this is true. The main reason behind this is because I believe that the search for purpose and knowledge is a important part of what defines the human race. We cannot survive without it. But too many people forget that life is always a search. We will never have all the answers, but we were never meant to. My goal is to continually search for the right path for me, not for anyone else. That seems obvious on the individual level but if you tie it in to what I've been saying you will realize that it is not the approach the vast majority takes. And that is why I feel like happiness is so evidently not contingent on fortune or fame, or any other material thing. Happiness comes from doing what makes YOU happy. And after all, 'happy' is just a word we use to describe something we don't truly understand. But just because we don't understand it, does that mean we can't pursue it? Food for thought, I suppose.

So basically, the point of my long spiel is that I still firmly stand by my viewpoint that there is no right to condemn or expect people to conform to some society-approved lifestyle. We do this daily, but how can we justify it? How do we know our path is better than another's?

And should this need to refrain from judging be used as an excuse to maintain whatever kind of lifestyle we want? That's a tough question, and it can be a slippery slope. True, only you can completely know what will make you happy. Only you can make decisions in life about the kind of person you want to be. And ultimately, you will be responsible for those decisions, whether it be good or bad. I'm not trying to start a riot about morals here, I'm just trying to state my point that everything is subjective. Even the things that we put labels on because we think that they are too far outside of the norm to be subjective. Your heart will tell you what is good and what is not. You can pretend not to listen, but it will not fail you if you let it do it's job. Be on the guard against people telling you what is right and what is not. Because although they might be right, they might just as easily be wrong. It highlights the underlying problem with humanity: we are fallible, we are not perfect.

This admittance of our limitations is not depressing to me. On the contrary, I find it to be a relief. It proves that we have trials and tribulations for a reason. It proves that the hard times and the good times are both pivotal to who we are as a person. It proves that although sometimes life is overwhelming, you need to sit back, relax, and realize that the battle is far from over. As long as we continue searching for our personal meaning in life, we'll be okay. Never think that you have it all figured out, because you don't. And that's the simple beauty of life.

-J