With the start of a new semester, I'm seeing the expenses of life add up alarmingly fast. Finances have been tough for a while, and cutting back hours on my job for school is definitely not going to help. It's frustrating at times. I feel pretty poor these days. Which, in reality, is laughable. I am so much more privileged than so many people around the world, and yet I complain once I personally hit a rough patch. It's selfish, I know.
I've also been worrying a bit about my uncertain future. As some of you may know, I'm not even a 'permanent' resident of these here United States even though I've been living here for 13 years. And although those joyous 13 years have been filled with many jokes about green cards and immigration, reality is slowly but surely catching up with me. Imagine what it would be like to have grown up somewhere 13 years of your life knowing full well that you might have to leave home in less than 2 years. For good. Not exactly the best of circumstances. But I guess at times like these I just have to believe that if I'm meant to stay here, I'll find a way (And for you jokers, yes, the way I'm referring to will be LEGAL). I have no sense of permanence, no guarantee that after college I can just find a job to get me by while looking for my career job. None of this is promised to me. Even my major, political science, is relatively USA-specific. I feel kind of sheepish admitting this, but I didn't worry about this problem for the past year and a half because I thought the universe might have found a way of working it out for me. But I was wrong.
As much as uncertainty scares me, there's no point wasting all my time worrying about it. We're not guaranteed 2 years. We're not even guaranteed tomorrow.
Live for today.
-J
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